Dear Daughters October

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We ventured through California a couple weeks ago for about 10 days and are finally starting to feel back to normal being back home...just in time for the holiday chaos to take over! haha! We went from Phoenix to San Diego to Santa Barbara and LA, traveling with Shane's basketball team, sleeping at a new house every other night, spending hours upon hours in the car. I couldn't be more proud of how the girls took it all on, going with the flow of things and taking on the adventure. Of course, we all had our moments of being completely over it, but for the most part they were the best troopers around. We've been doing this tour with Shane every year since Raleigh was a newborn so I guess its just been embedded in them that traveling is part of our family nature. These pics were taken on a day we spent in Carlsbad while Shane and his team were out all day. We met my parents down by the beach and the girls couldn't wait to get their feet in the sand! I forget how much I love being by the ocean this time of year. The beach is practically empty and being cozied up with blankets and a hot drink watching the girls run around felt like the perfect way to spend the day. I sat there watching them each individually seeing their different personalities play out and laughing at all the silly details of their differences, yet admiring how they could be having so much fun together just rolling around in sand! So I decided to use this day to document my dear daughters post for October...

Dear Raleigh, 

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I think I'm just starting to realize how you being a 4 year old means you're not really a toddler anymore. I don't know when it happened exactly, but there is so much about you that seems so grown up. Its a weird/hard thing to grasp. I feel like I'm so sentimental for you to be so little again, yet so in love with you at this age too. Like I'm feeling torn in my heart about not wanting you to grow up just yet and at the same time wanting to discover more of who you are as you mature. I guess its something that can't really be explained in words, but only felt through the experience of it. I love looking back on some of our videos of you when you were barely talking and still seeing how parts of your personality and mannerisms are still so much a part of you today. The way you never stop singing and laughing and climbing and love being silly. You could've spent the whole day playing on the beach. You don't mind the messiness of sand in your hair or water on your jeans, you embrace it all. You live fully in the moment. You soak in all the fun around you and draw the fun out of any situation. I love our conversations lately. How you are seeing the world around you. How you see every person we meet as a friend and call them that too. You are testing the waters in new ways with us too. You are smart enough to know right from wrong, but seeing what you can really get away has been our new challenge. Maybe thats the part where I want you to be little again, like it was easier to just give you the answer 'yes' or 'no', but now there has to be more reasoning and understanding for you in it. I always want to be in a place of trust with you (and all of your siblings). As I parent and learn along with you how to do this dance of ours, I want to be able to give you reasons that make sense to your heart and allow you to trust me more. Not sure if that makes much sense to you now, but someday I pray we look back on this season, re-reading these notes together and knowing that this was the time that deep trust was being formed. I want to be my best self for you, but I also want you to see how I mess up and make mistakes too. I want you to remember the days when I had to say sorry to you, when I had to own my mistake and ask for your forgiveness. I want you to see life this way, that we're all human and no other human is superior or more righteous than another. I think you have a tender heart that wants to understand and listen and I'm seeing as we transition into these new seasons with you that that's something I can't and don't ever want to take for granted. 

Dear Joci, 

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Watching you this day on the beach was something I'll never forget. I've never experienced someone who loves and hates the sand so EQUALLY!! You loved running around in it, but the second there got to be too much on your hands or feet you couldn't take it! You spent a solid 20 minutes trying to brush off every grain on your towel just so you could lay down on it, pretty entertaining! But its just another way I see your intricate, detailed, unique personality playing out. I love that I get to learn from you in new ways, seeing how you view the world differently and praying that I'm able to nurture that in the best way I can. You have been more into drawing and painting lately which is so fun for me to see. The ways you draw tiny circles all over your page and pay close attention to each one of them shows again how well you pay attention to detail and the smallest things that may otherwise go unnoticed. You may also be the strongest personality of your sister clan, which can be so hard, but at the same time I see how being able to speak your mind and be confidant in who you are can be a beautiful thing down the road. I know that I'm in for a lifetime of learning from you and I'm so thankful for how God chose and created you to be the one to teach me so much. I love you sweet girl. 

Dear Jaelynn,  

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These pictures embody who you are so much! Full of laughter, full of joy, full of silliness, full of life! I don' think you stopped jumping, running, and laughing for a second the entire time we were on the beach. I'm starting to be more conscious of writing down all the things you say that make us laugh so hard it hurts sometimes! I continue to be blown away at how your little brain can retain and remember so much! Things I've long forgotten about, you talk about like it happened seconds before and you remember every detail. Something I've always seen in you is how observant you are and your memory of people or situations around you shows how true that still is. You bring so much joy into our family. You embrace your crazy, humorous side and it brings you joy to make others laugh. You don't care if it makes you look ridiculous, but the fact that you make yourself laugh and embrace the silliness of life makes other people not care either. You make it easy to feel safe around you. I can see so much of your future at how people will always want to be around you. You naturally make others feel better about themselves just by being in your presence. It brings me to tears the ways I see how God can use you. Gosh, I pray you never lose that spunk and joy that exudes so easily from your being. I'm so in love with you my sweet girl. 

Dear Sage, 

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You are so cuddly and sweet as ever. You take the world on in your own timing. You observe everything around you before you decide to go all in. You are still the center of attention with your sisters, they love you like no one else! You make them laugh harder than anyone. Your smile is the brightest its ever been. You are most yourself when its just the 6 of us. You come alive when you feel safest in our presence, laughing at your playfulness and letting you be you. I'm so curious how you will take on the role of being big sister because being littlest sister has fit you so well and you love it. You crave my attention and affection so much that I wonder how you will handle it when I'm needing to attend to a new baby in just a few short months. Watching you take care of your "babies" and play "mama" with your sisters makes me think you'll be just fine, but I'm also wanting to be sensitive to the big change for you and not let you feel forgotten in the new transition. I notice you so much, even when you think I'm not watching. I notice when you say something funny or copy a phrase one of your sisters says when you think no one's looking. But the second you see me looking at you, you glow with the biggest smile on your face and it's my favorite thing to watch about you right now. You are a delight my sweet girl. I love being in your arms and holding you in mine. 

I love you girls, more than life itself.

Love, 

Mama